There is a cheesey Christian song that I really like – I can be quite cheesey at times – that describes my current mood. It portrays the lyricist/singer as sort of a social misfit in some people’s, perhaps even his own, eyes. Part of the lyric goes like this:
I’m not cool but that’s okay
My God loves me anyway
I’m not cool but that’s alright
I’m still precious in His sight
It’s kind of sad when you just read the lyrics by itself; if you imagine an outcast teenage kid writing this, you would consider putting him in a therapy. But when you hear it, the contrary couldn’t be more true: it’s funny and chipper.
That’s kind of how I feel today. I got my first “we hate you letter” in the mail from a law school this morning. I expected it in a way when I applied, but I was afraid I might feel differently when I actually see the rejection letter. Thankfully, it didn’t phase me. I wasn’t cool enough for them, but I was a-okay with it. I’m still precious in His sight (and in the sight of at least nine other law schools, hehe…).
He says that I am one of a kind
And I don’t have to try to be somebody else
He believes in me and says I’m free to be myself
I can be myself.
It’s their loss that they are missing out on a “one of a kind” candidate. I have never, nor will I ever, try to be someone other than myself to please an admissions committee, be it from Harvard or some third rate school. (FYI, it wasn’t Harvard that rejected me. I didn’t even apply there. I know my limits well.) I didn’t hold back anything on my application packet – I gave them the full, 100 %, all of me. Against some well meant advice, I made my faith be apparent in my personal statement. Though there were some strong advice against submitting recommendation letters from the “clergy“, I asked my pastor to write one because he probably knows me better than most of my professors. Religion being such a touchy, even sore, subject, I admit that I was hesistant to go there. But if a school didn’t like me – the whole of me, including my relationship with my Creator – then they can’t have me.
Now, I’m not saying that the unnamed school rejected me based on my faith. It is most likely due to my treacherous LSAT score. 😦 Regardless of whatever part of me they did not like, I no longer feel any sort of attachment to them because they couldn’t handle all that I am. Wus. Just kidding… I really don’t have any hard feelings toward anyone. Not in a least bit. It just wasn’t meant to be.
In case any reader of this post still doubts, I had a very peaceful, productive, pleasant day today. I opened the letter around 11 AM, and, for the remainder of the day, I wasn’t brewing over with resentment nor wallowing in self-pity. I had simply forgotten about the letter. Until now. 😉 I write this not in need of venting my frustration over the rejection, but as a moment for reflecting, refocusing, and redirecting. I needed to remind myself why I was so okay with the rejection letter. Because my God loves me anyways. Because He would never reject me, and that is the only rejection I fear. Because my ultimate goal is not the admission to a top-tiered school, but to let God direct my path.