Terminal Illness

It’s true. This is going to be the end of me. It is eating away at my body and my soul at an alarming rate.

It is senioritis. A chronic, debilitating one.

I have had few minor occurrences of this before. During the last couple weeks before high school graduation, it was almost encouraged by my teachers to not really engage in any serious academic endeavors. The senior ditch day wasn’t really optional; it was mandatory if you considered yourself even remotely cool. Yet the recovery process was fairly quick and painless, so I don’t consider high school senioritis to be all that big deal. For undergrad, having had two senior years (it took me five years to finish thanks to two degrees), I had the luxury of spreading out my laziness over a long period of time. Thus the net concentration (such a chemistry nerd) of procrastination did not seem all that harmful at any given time during the last days of undergrad.

But much like a cancer that strikes back harder the second or the third time, I did not expected the potency with which senioritis struck me this semester. I have “checked out” long ago. I no longer feel the desire or the urgency to do go to class or do homework; what I do get done is mostly out of my habit of having been in school for oh… holy cow, 19 years! I have been in school practically all my life – no longer I’m done with it all.

Alas, the show must go on. There is still three more months of school remaining, and I have yet to complete my thesis. There is no rest for the wicked…

But to where can I turn for motivation? I have been asking my friends to pray for me that I would regain the desire and the energy to finish my master’s program on a high note. I’m beginning to think that either they have failed me in effectively interceding for me or that I have failed their continual prayerful support. I think it is more latter than the former. My continued defiance of the imminent need to get things done serves as an evidence.

I have once heard that today was the tomorrow that those who passed away yesterday longed to see. A bit morbid, but it’s true. I have wasted yet another day that someone no longer in this world was dying to have a chance at. The fact that I am living and breathing right now is a reason enough to be prudent with every hour given before me. Perhaps even the time I am spending on this blog is an unaffordable luxury…

Solomon once said of lazy bums like me “the hand of the diligent will rule, while the slothful will be put to forced labor (Prov 12:24).” Or even worse “slothfulness casts into a deep sleep, and an idle person will suffer hunger (Prov 19:15).” Oh man… me likes my food. I better get my butt back in gear…

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